What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 03:41
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
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We all went to grammer schools
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
What type of narcissist cheats more and gets pleasure out of hurting you, even if they're married?
Put me off passion for life!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why is that Hag Hillary Clinton so quiet these days? She is the dog that isn't barking
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I think the readers, may guess!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
At what stage in your life did you realize, "No, I can't do this any more" and walk out? Why?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why is Taylor Swift re-recording her albums?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She married twice! .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
What if the girl says that drama about you dating here? Is that a bad sign?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He said he loves me, but why is it difficult for him to leave his wife?
Comes on , in middle age.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Do married men know when their wives are having affairs?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
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I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I was very sick at this time too.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Will Kamala Harris rekindle the business model of sleeping your way to the top?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What makes females believe or think abortions are part of a woman’s rights?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It was going to be , some day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was 9 years of age.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
So whats the point in blame.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Especially a lifetime of it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was in good health!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She loved him until the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What did i know ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I said to her
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We were not on the streets..
I couldn’t, believe it.
He knew the spot.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I don,t even have a pension.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Ive learnt so much.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She wouldn,t have been !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She found it foreign!.
Would this be the day?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
This is soul school!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But, we were locked up after school.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im still living with it.
I write beautiful poetry .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
All the time i was locked up.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But it wasn’t much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I could never make a relationship work though!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was seconnd youngest,
Who then, do I blame.?
I was scared of men, in general
As i do to all so called friends.?
So, i spoilt her more .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I have no regrets .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i lived it daily.
I will be 64.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My life is so biszare .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
When she asked me how she looked .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I waited trembling.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One cannot live in the past .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
This is how, and why children get BPD.